I discovered Buddhism a few years ago through books, videos and articles online, and now I consider it to be a part of my core, despite the fact I still know so little about it, and practise it so loosely. If I get the chance, I like to tell people that I am indeed a Buddhist. However, as the title of this post suggests, I know I am only just taking the first steps on my long journey.

One major set back, is that access to Buddhist teachers and practise is not widespread here in England. I'd need to travel to get to my nearest temple and due to busy life and anxiety on top I sadly haven't had the chance to explore much yet. But what I have learned so far, through reading and listening to teachings  (Ajahn Brahm is my favorite teacher so far besides His Holiness the Dahlai Lama) is that Buddhism really can't be learnt through purely reading a book. It is something you feel.

To put it simply in my own words, Buddhism is love, but not in the common sense of the word. Not romance or sex and emotional drama, but in the purest form. When we try to define love we use words like "caring", "everything", "accepting". Someone might say when answering what love is "love is everything. It's the most important thing". This I think comes close for me to explaining what Buddhism is to me personally.

To me, Buddhism is loving everything and everyone. 

I know what you're thinking... I think it too. That sounds totally unrealistic. How can you love everybody and everything? That annoying kid next door with the drum kit he plays at 11pm? The boss who grates on you. For sure I don't love being wrong, or feeling sick or experiencing physical or emotional pain. Heck I don't even love the people I love ALL the time. Sometimes they annoy me too!

These things are all of course true. You're human. You don't always react in a loving way, but you do have that choice. Often it's a foreign, difficult choice but, it is actually ALWAYS a choice we have available to us regardless of the circumstances. And ironically probably the hardest one of all is reacting to ourselves, and our own struggles in a loving way. 

It is easy to complain, it is easy to get angry or upset. it is challenging to be aware of your reactions and choose the best most compassionate ones. The best tool for this, is mediation. Something which in itself is a challenge for most of us, me included. 

I started meditating for the first time over 9 months ago, and for a while I've been on a break. As someone who suffers from anxiety it can be difficult to want to sit down on my own and embrace my own thoughts. A lot of the time I am trying to get away from them, which I know is not the answer but even so I do it like we all do. When I was meditation at least once a day, I did notice a difference. It was subtle but I could tell I was more aware of my choices and my interactions with others as well. I also felt positive and refreshed after most of my ten minutes.

The hardest part of meditating, is definitely just doing it. There is always an excuse as to why you don't have time. I forgot, I was too busy, I didn't feel like it. However, the effort pays off. I know this from the short time I actually managed it, and I know when I do commit to it that I will feel a difference. 

I'm setting a challenge to myself to start meditating once a day again, and I will journal my progress once a week.

There are of course many other parts to practicing Buddhism, which I will touch on in other posts. For now wish me luck.